1. Look how far Cody is from me. He lays on top of these pillows and blankets while I’m not using them. He knows he’s not allowed to hop on the bed with me, so he settles for this instead.
2. Doctor appointment went okay, got refills to meds so that’s always a plus.
3. My incision did not open but it’s sill hemorrhaging, and that’s not normal but I am on blood thinners so bleeding is normal. Keep changing the dressing and observing it.
4. getting some fresh air and sun felt good. i don’t enjoy getting out of the house in this condition but today it was needed and was a good day.
5. new followers hi! i haven’t been posting like my usual self. i’m kinda boring right now. if you can’t already tell i had knee surgery again. i haven’t logged on from my laptop ‘cause i can’t stand anything on my legs but i’ll be sure to check you out soon, since my phone is sucky.

wordsworthinc:

you

are becoming

a memory

that i never want

to forget.

Futurelotterywinner replied to your photo: I miss my blonde hair sometimes. I think about…

For certain private reasons, I need to know if you’re 18 in this picture.

Ha, I could imagine what those certain private reasons are Bradley. For your peace of mind I was 20. This was at my friend’s babyshower. A month away from my 21st birthday.

I miss my blonde hair sometimes. I think about going light in the summer but I love my natural color, took me years to get back.

1. Yesterday was exactly a week since surgery. It must mean time has flown by. I hope it continues to be that way. I wanna back to this hell not forward.
2. I started in-home physical therapist. He seems okay. I like to get along with any person who’s gonna work with me especially when its regarding to my health and well-being. Patience and tolerance are key! He did say I look 18. He must be blind, he does wear glasses. That, or I do look younger with no makeup, a ponytail, and purple/black jammies (shorts).
3. Dozed off around 4:30am and awoke to a bloody mess. my sheets were soaked. I didn’t want to freak out but my first thought was my stitches had opened up. Called the doctor on call and I’m gonna be okay. I have an appointment today anyway.
4. I’m curious to see what’s underneath these bandages. I wanna check out my incision and see if its turning out like all the others. I have this thing about my surgery scars that I want a thin pretty line. I know, no scar is pretty but I feel a little less self-conscious about them.
5. I get in these moods where I don’t wanna talk to any of my friends. I put my phone under my pillow and forget its there. I don’t know how people could say “misery needs/loves company”, I’m miserable and prefer being alone. Precisely because I’m not good company. No one wants to keep hearing me talk about how much pain I’m having, or how uncomfortable everything is, or how I haven’t been sleeping no more than two hours a night. It gets boring. That’s the main reason I haven’t posted much lately. I think as I start to feel better I’ll have more to say.

You know when you have pain and its extremely uncomfortable it doesn’t allow you to sleep? That!

I feel asleep sometime after I had my last pain pill which was around 10pm. I woke up at 11:30pm and I’ve been awake since. This happens all day and all night. Any position I’m suppose to lay is uncomfortable. Elevating my leg above heart level but making sure pillow is only underneath the heels, while icing, and have leg completely straight. Oh and since I’m like this for hours I can’t be like this for hours ‘cause of bed sores. I don’t mind sleeping on my back if it means I’ll be getting sleep.

How long until the lack of sleep has my hallucinating?

noneuclidian:

“I wish” becomes your least favorite phrase after a while. When you have used it so many times, like a mantra. You hope that by saying it enough it will come true right then and there but it never does. Wishes are strange like that. Someone has to grant them. And we’re the one’s to do it.

blacknotice:

Aye; working on it.

GPOYW

• They say your last surgery is always the most painful, usually because you can’t remember the amount of pain you were in the previous times. I don’t know. My previous 4 surgeries were all painful, some less than others, I know this by how much I was able to do during recovery. But this fifth one, man I wanna take a sledge hammer to my leg to dull out the pain. If there is a hell, I’m totally living it.
• My leg is swollen three times the size as the opposite.
• How high is the price of relief? I want the pain to ease but I don’t wanna go to a methadone clinic after. If its not upping the dose to your heroin pill then it’s  ”I’m sorry we can’t help you”.
• If I could sleep standing up, I’d totally prefer that.
• Being a burden and being weak don’t mix too well when it comes to me, if its anyone else it’s completely okay and I’ll do what I can to help you.
• Complaining is such a waste of time, energy, and breath especially when there’s nothing that can’t be done. Use whatever you having going on to push/motivate you to move forward. Listen Arely listen.
• I have an ugly cry face. I have an even uglier pain face.
• “Can’t have flowers without a little rain”. Read this off of a hallmark card. As corny as it is, it cheered me up. I was reminded pretty things are still to come. And flowers, I love flowers!

Sucking on my fresh icy water, waiting for the green light to get outta here.

As convenient as this gown is, I miss my socks and undies.

Can’t wait to see my baby. I miss Cody so much. And just like last year, he’s gonna wanna play with the leg he’s not supposed to. Ouch! I hate these anticoagulant stocking while he seems to be attracted to them or me wearing them.

I’m curious if you call her something aside from mom or mother. I call my mom Yoli, ama, & mami. I am and always will be a momma’s girl.

Oh and, I read my ama the post about her from earlier and made her cry. Tears of joy. Not that I enjoy making her cry but her reaction is the icing on the cake. I am compensated, not even a thank you is needed. I sure do love expressing/showing my feelings towards her. I love this woman!

1. See this little gadget? I’m supposed to blow into it 8-10 times every hour. A breathing treatment since apparently your breathing changes when you’re in bed all day. Not as easy as it sounds at first, I’m blowing 2000. It’s boring. Blow? That’s a dirty word.
2. Woke up feeling a little better today. I finally was able to sleep and it was good. Oh sleep, how I missed the! Friday night they gave me an ambien, slept for four hours, still tons better than the two hours I got Thursday night.
3. Haven’t had the need to get rude with any more nurses. I’m super stoked the ones from Thursday night shift were done with their work week. Don’t be sheisty with the pain meds. Didn’t know there was other ways of informing your nurse what level of pain you’re in, telling her how incompetent she was seemed to work a lot quicker.
4. Whoa, I transform into an evil snatchface when I’m in excruciating pain. But in my defense I did just have a doctor saw into my bone, click clack, hammer bang, and what not. I don’t wish you to ever know how painful 10 feet are in this condition, feels like 10 miles.
5. No pictures. I’m scared myself to look by just how swollen my entire leg is. I’m hoping I’m left with a thin line like the rest of my other scars.
6. Leaving the hospital tomorrow. Yay! had the choice to go home or a hospice/surgical rehab place. Home is where the heart is and much more comfortable.
7. I bet I’m boring you with the same medical talk, huh? I personally don’t mind listening to others go on about it. However I want to have something else to talk about. I’m gonna everything into my recovery so I’m perfect for the summer and I’ll be back to school or working. There just has to be an awesome outcome to this!