What a Sunday funday with these beautiful ladies! #LosLakers #NocheEneBeA Dinner at Yard House #LAlive Then celebrated with drinks at Patrick Molloys #HermosaBeach sister-sister
1. I went shopping today! That’s a big deal since I haven’t been wanting to do anything, especially buy any clothes ‘cause my self esteem has gone down the toilet after surgery. I found myself staying away from clothes that my new scar would be visible. You have no idea how much I hate it. Ugliness!
2. Haven’t been feeling well. I get the goosebumps or shivers with cold sweat almost every morning. Mom says it might be low blood pressure. I think it’s the drugs (pain meds) withdrawals. This happens every time after surgery. Doctor has decreased the dosage. I try not to take them as often if I don’t need them. For sure during physical therapy.
3. I canceled dinner with an old childhood friend yesterday. We’ve been working on rebuilding the friendship we once had. We stopped communicating several years ago over many meaningless things but not in bad terms. We never dated but we were extremely close like siblings. He was always at my house, even when I wasn’t home, my parents would let him in and he’d make himself comfortable while I got home. During high school he even spent the night a few times. I dated his best friend for a while and he dated my best friend, it’s actually one of the reasons why we stopped talking. Hope we can rebuild a strong friendship like we once had.
4. I’m going to Derek Fisher’s last game vs the Lakers this Sunday at Staple Center. I’m beyond excited, I’m ecstatic! I’ve loved Fisher since I was a kid. Bitter sweet moment since he’s retiring. My sister is taking me, and her bff and sister are coming along. My sister planned an entire day to spend in downtown LA.
5. Getting out did me well today. I had forgotten there’s life outside my home. Gonna do it more often. There’s no excuse now since I do have new stuff to wear. I won’t abuse my physical state though. Oh and I should take advantage of the beautiful weather we’ve been having after an ugly rainy storm.
Have a safe and fun weekend everyone!
• My horoscope for today says:
"Feel free to be more adamant, Arely. A caring, mental approach is certainly a valuable thing, but it doesn’t do anyone a bit of good unless you have the force behind it to actually put it to good use. More than likely, your fairy-tale notion of how things should be done is the most effective solution there is."
It’s funny, I hardly ever believe in the daily horoscopes but I had a curiosity to look mine up today. I don’t think I’ve ever been adamant about anything except for that “fairy-tale notion”. I was always an optimistic at heart and believed I’d have as well as everyone a happily ever after. Now I’m not so sure. The illusion isn’t quite shattered, it just seems too far to obtain.
• A sweet friend suggested I should post everything I hold inside here. I wanna take his full advice. I find it difficult to communicate with the people dearest to my heart. It’s almost as if I were paralyzed by some fear to unload this lump in my throat and I’m afraid I won’t be able to bring myself to face other people after I do. Total emotional blockage, ugh!
• I’ve isolated myself a lot. Aside from going to physical therapy and doctor appointments, I don’t leave my house much for anything else. I wasn’t even aware of a depression until now that I’m seeing it in writing. All I wanna do is sleep. I’ve gained weight.
• A week ago my bff and I went out for pedicures and dinner. It was nice, felt good. I know I should get out more or at least socialize here often. I appreciate my friend’s and family’s patience. They’re truly trying to distract me and help me out of this funk. I know I must try not to think up excuses of why I can’t go out. I owe it more to my old self and my mom ‘cause she just wants me to put this cancer thing behind and find my happiness.
• And I’m sorry for lying to you when I’ve said I was doing well. Understand it’s so much easier for me to say I’m fine rather than telling you how crappy I feel. Work in progress folks.
PS I was tempted to delete this post.
1. Happy Valentine’s Day! I’m single but had I been in a relationship this day would just be another day. Express your love every day, not once a year.
2. Lately I’ve been gazing at flowers. I’ve always liked flowers but it is as if a high admiration for them awoke in me. I can’t get enough of them. I wanna get lost in downtown LA’s flower district.
3. Yesterday I found a book thrift store, I fell in love with. I bought a Robin Cook book for 55 cents. I’m gonna start it tomorrow and read most if not all of it this weekend.
4. Went to visit my bestie at her new place after therapy this week. I haven’t been getting out of my house aside from doctor appointments or therapy and maybe that’s what has me so down and shut. So I couldn’t turn down her invitation besides she wouldn’t take no for an answer. I bought all the ingredients to my famous cookie cake she’s been dying to make. I decided to share the secret with her. I had such a great time, served as an awesome distraction.
5. Took me quite some time to come up with the first four, five is sometimes useless. Anyway have a nice weekend! Keep warm, be safe. Oh yeah, mind blowing that across the country it is snowing freezing cold and here on my side it’s sunny with blue skies.
"A book is a present you can open again and again"… Love the smell of old books! #RobinCookgeek #guiltypleasure Any recommendations?
Risks and side effects were explained to me before surgery. At that moment I didn’t care but now that it’s become a reality I don’t know what/how to feel about it. I know I should feel entirely grateful for being cancer free but at times I can’t help feel like I’m paying too high of a price for it. However I believe physical therapy will help give me back some arm movement.
Gif of the night.
I’m not sad or depressed but I love this scene (and also alcohol).
I’d do this if I weren’t taking so many meds. I’m a responsible (scary) adult when it comes to mixing pain meds with alcohol.
Owed my momma a birthday meal. Almost a month later but had to make good on my word. So lunch it was and I got her try something new, she enjoyed it and that’s all that matters. ♡ #salad #stuffedmushrooms #tilapiashrimp #chickenshrimpcarbonara #foodporn #yoli
Baby’s reaction to Superman’s first flight in Man of Steel.
Coincidentally, how I reacted as well.
How October Jones Passes Time on the Train
Related: Subway Snapchat Art
Lol - Kermet is the best!
• I’m gonna need lots of coffee or for it to do its job. Can’t be in zombie mode today.
• speaking of zombies, watched the walking dead last night. I was so excited but meh it had its moments. Wasn’t really into the show the last previous seasons. Had it on my Netflix queue for months, never opened it. Got hooked watching seasons 1&2 last weekend and the rest on this weekend’s amc’s twd marathon.
• couldn’t sleep at all last night. Heart smashed some of you.
•I don’t know what it is. I fall asleep around 11 pm and awake by 1 am, can’t seem to fall sound asleep until like 6 am. That happens every other night if not every night. I used to be a sound sleeper but now any little noise wakes me.
• I practically sleep sitting up, that might be the cause that is affecting my sleep. • tumblr continues to log me out.
• I will admit I stay away from tumblr because all I have to talk about is the cancer. Since I don’t speak my doubts and fears aloud I know I’ll unload it here. And I don’t wanna always talk about it.
• It’s depressing.
• it’s boring.
• I’ve let it consume my life.
• I need to feel I’ll have my happily ever after.
• ugh so much feelings and I’m not even on my period.
• I have pt this afternoon. It’s going pretty decent aside from not being able to extend my elbow. But that’s what therapy is for. Building range of motion.
• I’ve master eating with my left hand, considering I’ve always been a righty. Hey that is a talent!
• I don’t think I’ll take up writing lefty too, unless I have to. I could hold a pen with my right hand I just don’t have the strength to push down to write.
Hope you all have a great start to your week!