I was wrong.
•lately I’ve been cuddling with fried chicken, that can’t be good for anybody.
•went to buy my mom her mother’s day give. I know I’m late but she told me to wait until we came back from Mexico. Any who they were sold out of the sewing machine she wants and now we have to wait till they restock because she wants a particular brand. And what she wants she gets!
•aunt and cousin are coming over for Memorial Day weekend. We’re gonna have a carne asada with the neighbors. I know I said I wasn’t gonna have any more beer in at least a month but I can’t help it Micheladas are so darn good!
•only my phone would capitalize micheladas and auto correct damn into darn.
• Got back from my road trip to Mexico last night. I’m beyond exhausted.
• I had an awesome time partying with my family this weekend. I had enough fun to last me the rest of the year. So glad there was no drama or gossip or ill feelings towards anyone, that was all put to the left.
• I really needed this after all the stress I’ve been going through. Ugh back to reality.
• Look at the sheer joy on face or better known as my drunk face. With my beautiful cousins.
• No more beer for me at least in a month or so. Micheladas galore. I don’t wanna imagine how much weight I gained this weekend on beer and food alone.
• Danced until my feet hurt. Dude does it feel good to dance. When I was younger during my clubbing phase all I wanted to do was go to Mexican bar/clubs just to dance.
• Grandma was thrilled to have all her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren together. She loved her mother’s day party.
• Hopefully I could put all these health issues aside and make it promise to go over there more often.
• Happy belated mother’s day to all you lovely mamas!
• My horoscope for today says:
"Feel free to be more adamant, Arely. A caring, mental approach is certainly a valuable thing, but it doesn’t do anyone a bit of good unless you have the force behind it to actually put it to good use. More than likely, your fairy-tale notion of how things should be done is the most effective solution there is."
It’s funny, I hardly ever believe in the daily horoscopes but I had a curiosity to look mine up today. I don’t think I’ve ever been adamant about anything except for that “fairy-tale notion”. I was always an optimistic at heart and believed I’d have as well as everyone a happily ever after. Now I’m not so sure. The illusion isn’t quite shattered, it just seems too far to obtain.
• A sweet friend suggested I should post everything I hold inside here. I wanna take his full advice. I find it difficult to communicate with the people dearest to my heart. It’s almost as if I were paralyzed by some fear to unload this lump in my throat and I’m afraid I won’t be able to bring myself to face other people after I do. Total emotional blockage, ugh!
• I’ve isolated myself a lot. Aside from going to physical therapy and doctor appointments, I don’t leave my house much for anything else. I wasn’t even aware of a depression until now that I’m seeing it in writing. All I wanna do is sleep. I’ve gained weight.
• A week ago my bff and I went out for pedicures and dinner. It was nice, felt good. I know I should get out more or at least socialize here often. I appreciate my friend’s and family’s patience. They’re truly trying to distract me and help me out of this funk. I know I must try not to think up excuses of why I can’t go out. I owe it more to my old self and my mom ‘cause she just wants me to put this cancer thing behind and find my happiness.
• And I’m sorry for lying to you when I’ve said I was doing well. Understand it’s so much easier for me to say I’m fine rather than telling you how crappy I feel. Work in progress folks.
PS I was tempted to delete this post.
I was debating whether to type up this post but the kindness support I have found here has been incredible and pushed me to do so.
nostradamasshat replied to your post: Truthful Tuesday…
Since you liked hard-core house, does that mean you like dubstep?
Would you believe I don’t know any house singers/dj’s or whatever in this day in age?! So if I did hear dubstep I had no idea who it was. I’m not so much into house music as I once was. I enjoyed it in my preteens. I’ll dance to it if the bar/club I’m in happens to be playing it but I don’t bump it in my car or anything. I’m so lost now.
- Went to my first fashion show on Monday. It was an exciting and fun experience.
- Reunited with old friends from elementary school who I hadn’t seen in over 10-15 years. Might be going out on a date with one of them soon.
- I don’t want The Bridge to end! I’m hooked, not sorry.
- Tumblr mobile app has been giving me difficultly with logging me off. That’s made browsing the dash hard. Hence my lack of presence here.
•Last night was the best sleep I’ve had in a long time.
•If I wake up and there’s anything on I play it in my head and before I know it 3 hours have passed.
•My dad is a handicapped with lots of health conditions do to a crippling car accidents that resulted in severe head, next, and spinal cord damage that occurred almost 9 years ago. Well as of lately he blasts the radio every night around 1-4 am. Doesn’t listen when we ask him to turn it down or off.
•Thinking of getting some earplugs or drugs if this continues.
•My insurance has cut my physical therapy visits, disability law changes. So my pt has worked out a gym program for me to try out. Glad I never canceled my 24 subscription.
•Gonna get back on that horse today. Its been months. Kinda nervous.
Happy Wednesday to everyone!
- I’ve been hybernating.
- Mastering the art of napping actually.
- Doing my leg exercises but they’re not enough for me to lose any kind of weight.
- Hello double chin and gut.
- I love food. Comfort food is the best, especially when you need comforting.
- When I stand up my knee wobbles like newborn Bambi.
- Going to get fitted for a new knee brace today. It’ll help with the wobble while my knee picks up strength.
- Was given the green light to finally shave my legs on Monday. They were starting to resemble sasquatch legs.
- Not feeling like shaving your legs and not being able/allowed to are two different things.
- Can’t wait to get a pedicure.
- My vain self (which is a tiny part) wishes I should’ve waited till after bikini and short skirt/dress season for surgery.
- This healing scar on my knee is just gonna add to my insecurities. Big nasty visible scars = ugly body.
- I have two parties this month and I’m hoping to attend both. I don’t like letting anyone down, specially the kiddos, one being my god daughter.
- Baseball brawls are the best kind of sport brawls.
- Have the opportunity to go see USA vs Guatemala in San Diego in July. As much as I’d love to go, I can’t. That’d be too much on my knee and total abuse of my limitations. I hope to not regret this decision.
- Futbol, anyone?
- Ladies complicate the simplest things, I know I do sometimes.
- I am very self conscious about my surgical scars.
- My favorite books to read are medical thrillers.
- Boring? Not for me, preferably Robin Cook.
- I’ve always found the medical field fascinating.
- I would’ve wanted to be some kind of physician specialist if I would’ve had the health to keep up.
- Got my nose pierced once when I was 16 and took it out the next day ‘cause I didn’t like it.
- I have no tattoos.
- Maybe one day I will, hopefully to have my scars covered. That would be great!
- Don’t always get high but when I do it’s with weed.
- Not everyone is in California/PST, I tend to forget time zones.
- I’m worried about who/where I’m gonna leave Cody with when I go to my niece’s wedding.
- Are doggy hotels very expensive?
- I like numbered/bullet list.
Why do I get scare when I begin to catch feelings for someone?
I’m able to have crushes but that isn’t anything serious. I’m okay with having a crush though most times I’ll never let that person know.
Flirting back is easy even though I don’t know how to do it well, however when the flirting is meaningful or there’s something stronger behind it, it’s when I’m uncomfortable. I get nervous, freeze up, or blush.
Yeah, what am I 12?
I don’t know…
Feelings and emotions are sometimes yucky.
Ever just want to call or text someone ‘cause you genuinely miss them?
I do, all the time but I can’t bring myself to let them know I miss them.
- The nephew got a B+ on his volcano project. I feel like a parent ‘cause I helped him with it.
- He would’ve gotten an A had the teacher not deduct 4 points for him talking during other kids presentations.
- My only flaw in school was talking too much.
- It was too cold today to ice my knee but I did it anyway and while under the blankets.
- I want nachos with lots of jalapenos.
- For Erin: Best part of my day was hanging out the bestie Hannah and her pretty flowers (daughters). We haven’t gotten a chance to hang out as often. She’s been busy with work and I with my physical therapy. Her youngest daughter Jass is my goddaughter, I loved seeing her too. I love when they come over. There isn’t much to explain, their visit brightens up my day every time. I love Hannah so much and time flies when we’re together. We talk about anything and everything.
It’s been 6 six months since I’ve had sex. Can’t blame me much, I did have surgery and sex was off limits. I miss it though. I think it’s easier to have sex with the ex than it is to find someone new. I know I’m stupid at times. But in my defense it was good. But that won’t be happening again, I’m done.
Six months isn’t long, however for some of you it might be. I’ve gone 6-12 months without, maybe more. What’s the longest you’ve gone without sex?
- Had the best time last night. I loVe hanging out with my cousins who liVe in the Inland Empire and desert area.
- It was beyond freezing.
- Metal and cold don’t miX.
- There was no traffic driVing back home.
- Gonna do more to get dirty. I plan on doing some dirt bike riding this year.
- No new year resolutions.
- I need to pay close attention in who I could confide (IRL) in.
- Back to regular schedule tomorrow.
- I’m sick!
- Haven’t slept in 2 days.
- How do people sleep breathing through their mouths? I sure can’t and I’m jealous.
- Only Rudolph can make a red nose look cute.
- My bridesmaid dress is ready. One size too big, does that mean I’m free to eat whatever I want in order to fill it in?
- Don’t have the energy to finish Christmas shopping. Kids like gift cards, right?
- Still no internet at home and I think my sister is on a verge to a nervous breakdown. Her misery is my entertainment.
- I hope you’re all having a nice day!