Truths on Wednesday
• My horoscope for today says:
"Feel free to be more adamant, Arely. A caring, mental approach is certainly a valuable thing, but it doesn’t do anyone a bit of good unless you have the force behind it to actually put it to good use. More than likely, your fairy-tale notion of how things should be done is the most effective solution there is."
It’s funny, I hardly ever believe in the daily horoscopes but I had a curiosity to look mine up today. I don’t think I’ve ever been adamant about anything except for that “fairy-tale notion”. I was always an optimistic at heart and believed I’d have as well as everyone a happily ever after. Now I’m not so sure. The illusion isn’t quite shattered, it just seems too far to obtain.
• A sweet friend suggested I should post everything I hold inside here. I wanna take his full advice. I find it difficult to communicate with the people dearest to my heart. It’s almost as if I were paralyzed by some fear to unload this lump in my throat and I’m afraid I won’t be able to bring myself to face other people after I do. Total emotional blockage, ugh!
• I’ve isolated myself a lot. Aside from going to physical therapy and doctor appointments, I don’t leave my house much for anything else. I wasn’t even aware of a depression until now that I’m seeing it in writing. All I wanna do is sleep. I’ve gained weight.
• A week ago my bff and I went out for pedicures and dinner. It was nice, felt good. I know I should get out more or at least socialize here often. I appreciate my friend’s and family’s patience. They’re truly trying to distract me and help me out of this funk. I know I must try not to think up excuses of why I can’t go out. I owe it more to my old self and my mom ‘cause she just wants me to put this cancer thing behind and find my happiness.
• And I’m sorry for lying to you when I’ve said I was doing well. Understand it’s so much easier for me to say I’m fine rather than telling you how crappy I feel. Work in progress folks.
PS I was tempted to delete this post.
I was debating whether to type up this post but the kindness support I have found here has been incredible and pushed me to do so.
nostradamasshat replied to your post: Truthful Tuesday…
Since you liked hard-core house, does that mean you like dubstep?
Would you believe I don’t know any house singers/dj’s or whatever in this day in age?! So if I did hear dubstep I had no idea who it was. I’m not so much into house music as I once was. I enjoyed it in my preteens. I’ll dance to it if the bar/club I’m in happens to be playing it but I don’t bump it in my car or anything. I’m so lost now.
Truths on Wednesday
•Last night was the best sleep I’ve had in a long time.
•If I wake up and there’s anything on I play it in my head and before I know it 3 hours have passed.
•My dad is a handicapped with lots of health conditions do to a crippling car accidents that resulted in severe head, next, and spinal cord damage that occurred almost 9 years ago. Well as of lately he blasts the radio every night around 1-4 am. Doesn’t listen when we ask him to turn it down or off.
•Thinking of getting some earplugs or drugs if this continues.
•My insurance has cut my physical therapy visits, disability law changes. So my pt has worked out a gym program for me to try out. Glad I never canceled my 24 subscription.
•Gonna get back on that horse today. Its been months. Kinda nervous.
Happy Wednesday to everyone!
Truthful day after Tuesday
- I’ve been hybernating.
- Mastering the art of napping actually.
- Doing my leg exercises but they’re not enough for me to lose any kind of weight.
- Hello double chin and gut.
- I love food. Comfort food is the best, especially when you need comforting.
- When I stand up my knee wobbles like newborn Bambi.
- Going to get fitted for a new knee brace today. It’ll help with the wobble while my knee picks up strength.
- Was given the green light to finally shave my legs on Monday. They were starting to resemble sasquatch legs.
- Not feeling like shaving your legs and not being able/allowed to are two different things.
- Can’t wait to get a pedicure.
- My vain self (which is a tiny part) wishes I should’ve waited till after bikini and short skirt/dress season for surgery.
- This healing scar on my knee is just gonna add to my insecurities. Big nasty visible scars = ugly body.
- I have two parties this month and I’m hoping to attend both. I don’t like letting anyone down, specially the kiddos, one being my god daughter.
- Baseball brawls are the best kind of sport brawls.
- Have the opportunity to go see USA vs Guatemala in San Diego in July. As much as I’d love to go, I can’t. That’d be too much on my knee and total abuse of my limitations. I hope to not regret this decision.
- Futbol, anyone?
Why do I get scare when I begin to catch feelings for someone?
I’m able to have crushes but that isn’t anything serious. I’m okay with having a crush though most times I’ll never let that person know.
Flirting back is easy even though I don’t know how to do it well, however when the flirting is meaningful or there’s something stronger behind it, it’s when I’m uncomfortable. I get nervous, freeze up, or blush.
Yeah, what am I 12?
I don’t know…
Feelings and emotions are sometimes yucky.
Ever just want to call or text someone ‘cause you genuinely miss them?
I do, all the time but I can’t bring myself to let them know I miss them.
It’s been 6 six months since I’ve had sex. Can’t blame me much, I did have surgery and sex was off limits. I miss it though. I think it’s easier to have sex with the ex than it is to find someone new. I know I’m stupid at times. But in my defense it was good. But that won’t be happening again, I’m done.
Six months isn’t long, however for some of you it might be. I’ve gone 6-12 months without, maybe more. What’s the longest you’ve gone without sex?
First 2013 Truthful Tuesday
- Had the best time last night. I loVe hanging out with my cousins who liVe in the Inland Empire and desert area.
- It was beyond freezing.
- Metal and cold don’t miX.
- There was no traffic driVing back home.
- Gonna do more to get dirty. I plan on doing some dirt bike riding this year.
- No new year resolutions.
- I need to pay close attention in who I could confide (IRL) in.
- Back to regular schedule tomorrow.
1. Pain (physical) is familiar to me. Though I wasn’t aware I could tolerate it so much. My scale and the nurses’ scale is totally off.
2. I could barely keep my eyes open when I finally decide to checkout tumblr. I use my phone to read my dash at wee hours of the night and somehow end up waking myself up with a phone slamming on my face.
3. Insomnia is not for me or I really suck at it.
4. When I was a little girl I would get excited when I’d see the word “barely” because I’d read my name arely in it. I didn’t know the meaning but I remember thinking it was cool since my name wasn’t common growing up and this word was.
5. I used to try eating my cup of noodle soups with chopsticks and pretending I was Delia from Beetlejuice eating Cantonese. I fell in love with that movie at age 4, along with E.T.
6. Sons of Anarchy was just killed for me. I don’t know if I want to continue watching after what happened tonight. I might, just out of curiosity.
1. My memory isn’t what it used to be. I used to have a photographic memory. I used to have every contact number in my phone memorized. What happened?
2. I once had a boyfriend offer to pay for a boob job. Jerk wasn’t content with my B cups.
3. I’ve never taken someone’s virginity.
4. Once seen a hawk outside my house on a fence eyeing a squirrel. I am no longer surprised at the wild life roaming around free in the city.
5. I’ve gotten robbed for my purse at night walking from my car to my house. I lived in Inglewood, I don’t want to say maybe that’s why. Worst night of my life. My boyfriend practically had me go door-to-door. Every guy and car looked the same as the suspects. He wanted to beat up every guy insight.
6. In the robbed purse was also my cell phone in which I had a compromising intimate video with the bf. Luckily the battery was almost dead but could be possible it’s on the internet. I’m embarrassed.
7. How you do you keep those kind of things safe? Not making them in the first place, huh?
8. I’m meeting one of the internets tonight! EXCITING!
1. Have a doctor’s appointment with ortho on Friday in the OC. Not looking forward to going. It’s to confirm if I have knee surgery or not.
2. It’s gonna be year since my hip surgery.
3. Hopefully after all this is done I could finally get back on my feet and get on with my life that’s been on hold.
4. I’ve never had a cavity. I must be doing candy or sweets wrong.
5. I sleep with two blankets all year around.
6. I’m not a fan of sleeping with sheets unless it’s 100 degrees at night, even than I prefer sleeping with less clothing.
7. I like sleeping with socks.
8. Love flannel jammie pants.
9. Never been to a tweet up/meet up.
10. Not going to SNARK and I’m kinda bummed out about it.
11. There should be one in California. Someone get on that!
12. There’s a heat wave going on in LA, I’m not to thrilled about. But then again, what do we SoCal people know about heat? We die in 80 degree heat.
End of list for now…